No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
