she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't put those talents on a resume
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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