YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
