I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
