I'm gonna have a badass scar
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
