I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
