Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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