What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize