And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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