You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
