we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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