So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
two words: eviction party
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
