I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
