You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
