We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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