apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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