wat bout pragnant strippers??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
