I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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