All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
