I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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