honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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