the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
