Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
