Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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