I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
