i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
