Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part

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(847): View more from Illinois

I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today

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(619): View more from California

reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy

(1-619): View more from California

sounds legit

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(985): View more from Louisiana

There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.

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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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(801): View more from Utah

he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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(727): View more from Florida

I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.

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