I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
