you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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