i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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