yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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