Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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