Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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