you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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