Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
