I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
