i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
