One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
