Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
