I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
