Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize