I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
