its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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