i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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