I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
