I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
