First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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