haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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