Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
