hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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