where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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