I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
