I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
