Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
