I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
