I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
