i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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