My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
