I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
