2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
