I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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