speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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