I want to stick my p in your. b.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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