On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize