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You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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