watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
