so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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