don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
