Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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