Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
