Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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