Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
