Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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