You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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