Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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