I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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