Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the day after is always just damage control
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
