forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
