I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
