Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
