And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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