I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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