No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
