Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
