Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My nipple is on Facebook.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
