Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
