you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
