wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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