Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
