i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
