how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
