This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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